Title: How to cope with cancer

" But what I cancer patient is -- child or grandparent the illness of course affects the entire family. Psychiatrist and author doctor -- brash too sexy car packed program that stands for parenting. At a challenging time at the Mass. General hospitals cancer center thank you for joining us today. Doctor let me ask you obviously -- cancer diagnosis so horrifying fact I think when you -- you almost don't hear anything that follows it. Is there a best way into it to break that news to your family and the."

" We have to expect that when people hear that first piece of news sometimes even before the words come out feeling members will look at someone and love and know that there's something wrong. Com so if you want to take some time deliver the first piece in the news give people time to digest it. And then be prepared to answer questions as they come as it is I would imagine it's so important to stay positive because but I heard stories about people. I'm beating the odds. But at the same time you also want the reality based. Absolutely what the way we like to think about it is to hope for the best but also to prepare for the worst which means to get all of your business in order. And just to remember that. Some people who survive cancers are really no different in terms of how hard they're trying mean people who are less fortunate. So you shouldn't say things like. You're -- you're gonna come -- us. They -- we understand why people say it and people can say it about themselves they can say I feel confident I am a fighter. And that's great but really it's about living every day. And not putting our expectations on someone because sometimes those are words that echo in someone's -- later and they say wow. Com now that I got this bad news from scanned people are and think I wasn't trying hard night. And it obviously doing any intention it's actually -- it's an error of kindness."

" No accident you break finished here handling your family trying to assimilated what if someone. You -- cannot deal with your very own diagnosis they are in denial how do you help them. Come to terms with something that you have to."

" So since you have to prioritize. A lot of the work that I do with helping parents to think about how to keep their children emotionally healthy during the time that the parent's illness. And so I'm someone who would advocate for thinking about what's going to be good for the children -- one of the high. Priorities so if if it's a great onto can't accept it maybe that somebody that you put on the back burner and say she's going to have to deal with this he assigns somebody else in your extended family to support someone who's not part part of the core group. But it's apparent to hasn't. Except that the sometimes people really need to come to someone like like myself for one of the other members of our team -- social worker -- whose gonna help them. Two have a healthy approach to this process sometimes people view being optimistic as being denied them. And that's not true people can be doing all the right things and and behaving appropriately but willing to put out of their -- that there could be a bad outcome. And that can be tremendously. Adapted so want to be careful not to be judgmental about how someone is gonna. Cope with something that is as emotionally complicated -- life threatening illness is it ever okay to shield someone from a diagnosis together. We believe depend on. So someone yes your child know. Joe do not in every study it's been demonstrated. That children cope much better when they're part of the conversation when -- communicated to directly and it is an error of kindness to imagine that excluding child from that conversation. Is protected so minimally child needs -- the diagnosis. Otherwise it's confusing you say to a child. Mommy's sick. Then when they get their next here infection they wonder whether they're going to need chemotherapy in their harassment fallout. Being confused never helps anyone."

" yeah let's let's sort of running in town unfortunate and I want to address the community to moving beyond the family any advice that you can give. You know the friends they extended family what can they do to help."

" So -- calling them all the well wishers and every -- community of well wishers it's great if a parent. Or patient can designate somebody that captain kind misses and rather than having their own phone ringing off the -- have people call that person have them organized supports that will really be helpful that people can provide the kind of support -- really wanted."

" Captain of kindness says Craig thank you doctor and for more information you can just go to WWW dot and GH packed. Dot board and there are links and resources there. -- families coping with cancer thank you again he"