Title: This Is Your Brain on Love

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" Evening and welcome to the Museum of Science. I'm Lisa rose producer from electors and special programs department and delight at that so many of you came out for tonight's program. Really a surprise. Like the popular topic. I want to extend a very big welcome to all people sitting in our overflow theater. We're really happy news native and they're all watching on video land so we want to include you in our conversation. So who do you love. And how does your personality. Determine who you fallen -- it. According to tonight's special guest your love interest may very well be driven by biology. Doctor Helen Fisher is one of the world's leading experts on the science of romantic -- She's written extensively for scientific journals and is the author of several best selling books her latest why -- and why her. Is based on research she performed as chief scientific advisor to chemistry dot com. A division of the Internet dating website we -- know -- love match dot com. Many -- you may have seen this past week on 20/20. Or Good Morning America we are just so excited to have her with us here tonight. To discuss how we can find and keep our perfect match by using nature's chemistry. Please join me and giving a warm welcome to doctor -- mr."

" Thank you very much and delighted to be here and I'm delighted you're here and down thank you very much to the people in the overflow and possibly be around afterwards if if you want to come and talk. Then instead. I'm an anthropologist and biologically a deposit does Samantha just in the -- to those so thank you for coming. I and my colleagues have put 49 people who are madly in love in two functional MRI brain scanner. Seventeen it would just fun and not. Fifteen had just been rejected in love. And our most recent experiment was seventeen people who report that there is still in love after an average of 21 years of marriage. And down so I had done most of these experiments and written and -- that was called while I was not. And it was two days before Christmas and in nineteen in 2004. And I got a call from somebody at match dot com. And they called -- said -- would you like to come in and and talk with us two days after Christmas. -- When captain -- in -- eleven people can you know but didn't quite sure who was cool. And during the course -- well maybe there's some other academics and anyway as it turned out in the middle of the morning the CEO turned to me said. Why do you fall in love with one person rather than non. And I said. Out of nobody -- Psychologists know that you tend to follow with somebody from your same socio economic background in general level of intelligence. In general level of good looks same religious and social values. We tend to follow with somebody and give us what we need in exchange for giving them what they need your child and plays a role but nobody really has concrete data on. On town. To telephone it was somebody who's in love with you. But you can walk into the room. And and is in your background. And in general level of education and in general level of intelligence and say religious and social event and you don't all of all of so I thought to myself you know so he said but would you like to start a -- dating site."

" With us. Lies not in -- study where world like them. And you're asking me why world different. And and I'm sure you've got the right person -- And that is about it that they about the right person so anyways over the Christmas holiday I've sat and thought about it I don't wish to. I have literature that isn't of use and isn't new. And I wondered if I had something to say so anyway tonight is the story. That adventure. And culminating in the game this book that came out this week. And but I want to start a little bit and what we found in the brain and what not -- news and then on to mine hypotheses and data on 40000 people on chemistry back -- the questionnaire that I created. Has now been taken by seven million people. In 39. Countries because. In the US it's on the chemistry dot com site but internationally it's on the international match dot com it's inspected and people. All over the world and in effect they came to mean they said to me when your questioning. Work in other cultures and I said if it doesn't I have failed. I'm not studying Americans. -- studying human beings. So."

" Anyway. To begin and."

" In the jungles of Guatemala. This stands at temple."

" It's built by the grand it's fun king. Of the grandest city state to come. The grandest civilization of the Americas the mine now."

" His name. What Catholic country how well. And he stood over six feet tall and lived into his eighties. -- he died beneath that -- home in around the -- 720 AD. And Mayan inscriptions report that he was deeply in love with his wife. -- so we built the temple. Facing his. And -- see -- fall equinox and spring equinox. The sun comes from behind his tempo. And beings her temple in his shadow. And in as the -- cents in baby his temple with her sent him. Over thirteen hundred years later these people are still kissing from the grave."

" Everywhere in the world. People of they seemed to love. They write about love they have -- love songs. Love stories. Myths and legends about love. -- rooms. I love magic. They -- for love they live for love they kill for love. And they died the month. As one of the most powerful brain systems on -- I'm going to maintain and probably tonight -- maintain a much stronger than the sex drive in a few casualties estimated go to bed with you in the signal thank you you certainly don't think. But around the world. People there live out -- and Dodd below him. In fact -- the oldest com I I've just found -- back and I happen to have been in Istanbul. -- with my weapon of the time and at the time president on an archaeology at at the archaeology museum and gift and the -- to lean on his glass -- I sort of looked down and with these lumps of clay with a new Foreman. And want to let the ball up in a ball about the size of a softball. And below it it said the first month. 2035. PC. So it was not invented by the -- I think it is much older than humanity. And I think it is one of three basic human brain systems involved from meeting and we production. The sex drive being the first one. WH auden called it an intolerable girl -- Governor -- carded an infinite -- an eternal thirst. And now it's driven by testosterone in in both men and women. You can feel it for -- feel this extra when you're driving along in your car when you go to a movie is not necessarily focused on any particular person. The second of three brain systems is romantic love and I'm like kind of establish that it associate with doesn't mean. Natural stimulant in the brain I'm -- also eventually finding its associated nor the definite. Well levels of serotonin can tell you why later. The whole brain is a mix and match thing with the whole pile of ratios. It's not just one chemical system that creates. Feelings but if it seems to be the dominant one. And of course is all kinds of feelings attached with romantic love the first thing that happens when you fall in love as the person takes on when I called special meaning. Like Bernard show one thing you said I love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another. And indeed that's exactly what we do. And -- focus on the person everything about it is great you know before I put these people in the machine I would ask what you don't like about sweeter. And they could lists what they didn't like about this sweeter than me what that is. And just focus on what they do you know their cars different from Arabic and park in line the street they live on is different their book bag in school is different. Everything about them becomes special which actually is because of I don't mean in between. Intense energy when you fall in love you you walk all night and talk to Dolan. In the nation when things are going well. Into. Horrible despair when things are going poorly. Possess -- goodness but probably more crimes of passion and our people die of cancer and this is this is what somebody once said to me at a convention. Neuroscientist. The number of crimes of passion from the possessive it's you know you're just casually sleeping with somebody you really don't care -- this -- when you're in love. You become very -- is tired of the entire experience. But then the and it at the -- that green means things. Is that you -- this person you crazy emotional reunion with them. Your highly motivated to win what people will do when they Aaron love at any age is staggering. And perhaps I think the most the most central characteristic of romantic if you can't stop thinking about them. There is somebody keeping in your head you cannot get that. Out of your mind. And in fact report put these people in the machine my first question. Was. You know how long have you been in love my position the first really in the world. I wanted to short and one of them who have just form of one of the great. And it's not my most important question was. Was. What percentage of the day in -- to do do you think about this person. And they with I go to bed thinking about it and I wake up thinking about it I can't stop thinking about. It is an obsession and as a matter of fact the hardest question I would ask that because Simon is -- not a psychologist. I've worked my way of fair -- and that's what I would say. When you die. For him -- her. It. They would say it's as if I had asked them to pass the ketchup and they would just stand it. It will be easy and of course that's why this brain system evolve to start the bidding process. A third of the three -- systems is attachment. -- sense of common security you can feel the long term partner other scientists have. Have. Establish some of them. A brain systems associate with them. And now."

" It can be connected you know you can somebody. And finally. Thing about them is sexually attractive to you. Waiting -- this is attractive team. And it's because when you're in you're shooting it doesn't mean in the brain and I don't mean system triggers the testosterone system. The -- be true can you. We have sex with some money and implement them. Well not always I think most liberated don't have had sex with somebody and now fallen -- with them in fact even hope that they would full of them and didn't do it. But it certainly can happen and the reason that it can happen is because. Any kind of sexual to."

" nation -- opening in the brain. And actually right after organism FA a spike -- and this is like casual sex is almost never casual. In fact I have a yen. A friend a graduate student his name is just in Garcia and she's studying hooking up. And he maintains that. I don't know if he's involved himself but he's you know -- Stunk. -- I have -- But he. He maintains victim a 50% of that of the women and 52% of the men in his study who engaged in a hook up. Wanted to. To stimulate long term relationship. And I think that unconsciously what they're doing as they get this person bid is hoping they can trigger this of the brain system. And indeed it can happen casual sex really is often not casual. In fact a third of these hook up to turn to weigh in a longer relationship. -- that can also I drive a detachment. Feelings because with orgasm and as a real flood of boxing tennis and visit present as a -- you know you sort of casually went to bed with envious of you find yourself attached to the person. So in this -- recommend I'm not I don't care what you're -- effect but I I certainly would recommend that as you if you doing in bed with somebody that you are. Likely to trigger some of life's most powerful. On systems on -- These -- system don't know together of course you can her own mind but -- deep. Attachment to person why would you view intense on the Nicklaus somebody else why you feel the sex drive a whole range of people. So I can -- to committee meeting going on in your head as if going politician I it causes tremendous joys of -- and tremendous growth. In I think these brain systems involved and I think this extra amount it definitely have a whole range partners. I think grammatical and about a limited it's focused emitting energy and just one at a time. And I think the detachment of the -- of poverty is present. At least lot of -- to raise a single child together as a team. I also. So this is our brain scanning project this is from. I tell you want to they've been found of the brand and I'll get on to life in -- happened to being. The New Yorker got it got wind of this and Chris you can't get to keep in mind McCain and but nevertheless that's what we did and I we found activity. In a tiny little factory near the base of the brain called the bid to take -- area. And we found it in certain cells associated with the the production of -- me. And in fact it's exactly the same brain region that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine. And so it's a very powerful system of the rewards system the -- system for one team for motivation. Before possessed of this book where you've been as part of the addiction system. In the brain. And I do think -- romantic -- is an addiction. We've actually found this among rejected. We found for brain regions based the directly associated with with with cocaine addiction. And I think other animals look I think that this brings assistant came bar. Evolutionary past. I generally would talk a great deal about the evolution of these systems but I need to get on to. Why him why her. So this is what they asked -- the at that meeting next act and it's a very different question. I think we all feel the same way when we Islam but why does that -- system become active with one person rather than them. And science really does not now there will always -- magic to love. All in trying to do was add some biological components and good we know some of the sociological. Reasons. We tend to follow I think Kerry said this with the me for the same ethnic and socioeconomic background religious. Values values are important goals. Same level of intelligence -- level of education these days same degree agree with -- timing is important. Right prison can come and sit on their luck but if you're not ready. That's not going to -- that -- system. We don't always know when we're ready either. You're -- experience you need you lifestyle was really important and you can sort of walk into a party and and you talked to some time in animal and -- charming man. And you know you you think I'm going to could -- that can work and you're talking about with interest Hewitt. And says -- that uses sorts flour and circuits and you know you on your way to medical school and sound talent and I. And I and you don't follow up so it's a lifestyle is important. I'm your child an important. And as you grow up you build what I call -- eight. And unconscious list of what you're looking for -- so your culture your environment your child it always plays -- But when I'm trying to add is it your biology. Plays a role too as to practice personality. Is your character which is everything we do grow up with. And temperament which are all those traits that come out of your biology. And so what I did is I went over the biological literature of the hundreds of academic articles."

" Fish it was one -- this past week locusts. And -- about -- Because if if these systems are used over and over in nature. For the same reason. I looked at data on monkeys and certainly hormones studies and neuro transmitters that is in genetics that is and -- studies and the sexual reassignment studies and and I came to think. That we have evolved. For very broad. Biological. Stockpiles. Of thinking and behaving. And I ended up -- associated. With mean. Basic systems now. It's much more complicated than that as serotonin goes up don't mean goes down there all ratios. It's all scales with all the mentions. But of the night we're gonna say it basically. Very broad biological. Types of behavior. And so I looked. I think over that Christmas. And I had -- sheet -- paper the traits as biological traits associated with the dope means system. And the biological traits associated with these systems to and I sat there and I said to myself. Maybe you can create a Christian and to see to what degree. People express these four very broad system and it would have been six if I had found the data on six or ten. But I found on form. And then ask people these questions. To see to what degree they expressed. These non biological. Constellations of trades. And then watched. On these dating -- who is drawn to -- And so that's what I ended -- I'm gonna go through. Four of them and then tell you what I end up finding. -- explore these people are born -- Not be seeking risk taking -- very cares about it they've got the most interest of the four who bring broad. Interest creative."

" call them the artisan. Spontaneous -- both of energetic. Restless flexible open minded optimistic. That homosexual of the four types. This is why if you're taking something like prozac or something that that drives up serotonin you -- and you and you lose your sex which is quite often the case. I'm gonna give you something that drives up I don't mean to stimulate the extravagant. These were the most sexual blew up the line -- independent. -- is a dark side of the moon you know nobody gets out alive is always bad parts of the president Heidi. -- More likely to be unpredictable. The reckless. Addictive. Most of -- in addition there in the dope means system. I'm reflective they don't really care who they are they look out not in. And -- matter of fact I was. I'm the next big sport like. And so I actually was set at a conference and room Californians -- three months ago and it was. A lot of therapists. And they are very much of the different different types and explore. And I was sane and how I. You know I didn't really care why. Which I don't I mean I wanna know enough so that I'm not a complete idiot but I I don't I don't really care who spent a lot of time knowingly. And I said that an out of the back of them some -- you want to talk about that."

" I didn't them it's --"

" It act and I do actually think that therapy community. Somehow things that we all are arranged in in who we have a perfectly -- maybe we should know a little bit more about ourselves but nevertheless I. I this type is not. Reflective. Generally speaking I think a perfect example of an explorer's Obama. All of the finest qualities of an explorer of when he talks about. Change. America knew he meant to. And he did he may have known mandate. Socially and culturally. But this. Biological kind likes. They don't like change. Its refreshing for them. He uses the words many of the words of the explored that a risk -- any man from his background who. Since the way he did to the president of the United States is is is is a daring person. Very optimistic I mean here we are you know he got the worst job in the world and none. And he's hoping to change the world. Very creative I don't know very curious if you've read either of his book is extremely. Curious and create a very socially skilled manipulates with I just diplomacy obvious scorer is the actor. They they may back away from that charming. And you could see in the debates that he and McCain McCain would -- directly attack. And then he would go around in an attack from the from the back coming in and in a very sophisticated than it diplomatically. I explores tend to have the highest education in my sample of 40000 people. And they're comfortable in his skin. That quote from the book on and learn -- and move. -- you can watch how really. Stylish -- gracefully. Obama will move they also have -- a very expressive face. Which he does. And Angelina Jolie is another example she's got a tattoo. On her arm a concern. Of a window. Freedom and a freedom. Term I -- this and daring unconventional. -- you know I'm not saying at all explored their -- like I mean some people are exploring. And they librarian and some people are jumping off mountains and et cetera but the temperament. Is associated with the doping system -- risk taking novelty seeking curiosity create any. I did a study among line deeply connected on account of 178000. And limit and I asked. I want to find out what words they were most likely to use the top ten words so I created a list of 170 words and I. To see you know what what these what -- people used. And the top word used by explores. Was adventure. Energy don't mean new fund -- Active. Although. Elevated activity in the serotonin system. Traditional. Conventional. Cautious but not fearful not scared they just -- Dot com social that's why you when you take prozac compact than you do become calmer winds and the people -- it. Networking -- very community oriented. And family oriented. Managerial very clever mineral. Precise fact oriented I think a good example was George Washington he was -- with the right I'm just getting interested in history just to. He this. I logical kind showed up at exactly the right time in American history. Very dutiful. Respect authority. Like rules and schedules and routines boiled. Conscientious. Persistent. It's called sustained attention. They could work builders can work in a ping factory. You know -- it was going to hire an explorer to. Campaigns. -- they can't I tried to get a job at defecting ones -- nobody would -- to thank. They don't have that sustained attention to to do wrote. Things in fact even in durables are very different than the doodles of mean. I did on 40000 people that do both of these are wide and open in motion. And the of the doodles of the -- are very they're -- in Anchorage. And they like they like. -- patterns that are very. Even. -- like plaid shirt. It's."

" As associate with serotonin. Object -- wet shirts are orderly. They don't call them the guardian protective they want to serve. They are the most religious."

" And there's going to be a lot of genes involved in religiosity but we have found some of the -- genes associated with self transcendence. And there in the serotonin system. What does most -- you want from Maine they tend to be numerically creative that make very good accountants. The very good with with numbers."

" I downside little stubborn closed minded bitter rigid and and not initiate. Reflective controlling."

" A good example I think of a very fine builder as Colin Powell very traditional very family oriented. Cautious but not -- really invested in loyalty. Was loyal to bush even when he really would not I think of going into. Iraq I I'm beginning to see how these ports now be styled. Affect the world that affect the world. I think Tiger Woods is about it what is golf but patience. And calm. And focus. Now is never good and I kept I want to see where the ball is going site and never looked down. And it's a social game in these people are social there's skill socially skilled at that would -- I of the community. Organizers in the boat and a quote from him family comes first. I Gordon Brown in England really Anderson he's very much of the builder. And he's got -- the -- the -- he's good at new merit create a new is excellent as the I chancellor of the Exchequer and I was talking actually a couple of days -- to some brits who who said to me he's in his element with this world financial crisis -- You know he's comfortable with trying to figure this thing out. I'm not surprised that he is sort of risen to the top of of world leaders who are trying to address system. They are the most religious."

" Of the group. Than other types and also one. -- politically conservative."

" Anything that -- 178000. The top word that they used with him. Morals. Respect. -- trust values and another one and trust. It's one of my questions online thing you'll see if you -- answer the question one of my questions was. Would you rather have loyal friend or interest in friends and loved the question now will want to loyal friends. And we all want dancing fans but all you know there. Pakistan of the loyal friend the other three -- can't tolerate not having interest in fans and a ferret ever show -- the raw data to watch. How these 40000 people responded it is destined -- The director and they should for the start to tossed on analytical logical. Direct decisive tough minded exacting. Good at what scientists call will based systems everything from. Check to building bridges to computers Bill Gates is a perfect example a Donald Trump and in New York. Building buildings. Apparently out of -- Beethoven actually been very good at their musical understanding because that's very space shall. Albert Einstein I think was very much of the director. Focused and I think it's a very narrow focus. But it's a very deep focus. Competitive. Rank if you inject testosterone actually to a monkey will start to fight for -- Middle aged women as levels of estrogen go down unmasking testosterone become much more assertive. Is a great deal of data on the basic biology ending. The psychological characteristics of the estrogen system and mostly contained. These people when they top move only the amount but it. It is seeing it as seen on McCain. Are gonna win like this and went and but Obama is using a whole thing that's. Testosterone. Independent autonomous. Self discipline can rock out was and is in the testosterone is that these are the people who will rush into a building. A burning building and to say something they don't. And then they're called heroes and you know you interview the -- when you're here on the -- and non you know I was just doing my duty. And in some respects they are of course -- hero but they aren't being there. -- downside of course is aggressive. Workaholic that for a verbal skills they say what they mean -- do not wish to. Be polite. They can be impatient -- mine blindness they just don't get if they don't see what they had a particular I'm doing around them. As a matter of fact. You know you can be so nuanced around them that they don't get it. And if you're very direct with them they will respect you more and get that a that I think is one of the many. And you can use. From all this when you get to know what these people who like. And he basic biological type you can you can not reach them. In their world. I'm McCain is a perfect example of that junk that is testosterone. And I didn't marriages that testosterone heavy lives and four had that's all built by testosterone. He was proud of being a maverick and tough -- aggressive what he used the word fight 43 times. In his acceptance speech. Very proud of saying I'm not mr. congeniality. Direct. But real special skills that's just fighter you -- they both of and and a rather narrow focus I think it was an interesting moment when. When the real beginning of the financial crisis here at home and he said well let's stop the competing campaign I want to go back to Washington and just focus on me. You know just just focus on on the financial crisis and Obama's the -- and you know I thought -- president had to do more than one thing at a time. And these -- two dozen games. Seen reality he indifferent ways and I think you know I'm much of the world worried that he was one night and I do think idiots and then. Violence you of exactly. In my question am not in the book but north in order when you created by a real scientific measured. You've got to figure out. That you have to prove that you are actually measuring would you say your measurements of one of the things I had just come out of the 1930s the most recent book. What's called the second to fourth digit ratio. And look -- if you're looking at your right hand actually women it's probably better with the left and but generally with the right hand. If you had a lot of testosterone washing over the brain."

" In the womb you're paying too often not always have a longer fourth finger than second finger. If you had more estrogen in the womb the two fingers will be the same -- by the index finger pointing fingers will be longer. And so what I did it is I looked at my sample of 40000. People."

" And it's got my Carrick might director group and then I mean match to see whether they had along the fourth finger. And they did. And --"

" I have a dream come true. The day conceded this is on the front page of the new your times I should thank you it. I think Hillary Clinton is saying."

" I direct I gotta read more about her but she's direct decisive tough minded ambitious. And I think quite emotionally contained. In my there are many more men in my direct competitor but there's certainly some women. And there are many more women in this next category than negotiator but -- it vehement. Apparently American football players have a great deal of estrogen as well as to tossing behind them both well on both high and -- a pioneer that. The last of that for the -- once again on the event the first and most important work for them. Was intelligent and intelligence now all fort types. Have their own varieties of intelligence nobody is ever going to really perfectly measure what intelligence is but. But this is the word that they used well. -- Ambition. Driven. Politics. Challenge. Debate. All. Practiced -- The negotiator of the fourth. Critical of in the -- McCain. Associated with as these -- to -- the big picture. Contractual holistic. Imagine it to the very managed to take it later if I have to and the Davis put between I think imagination and creativity I think these are. Being the yen explorer tends to be more creative but I think that the yen. And that the negotiators is more imaginative. Real good people skills. Real good intuition called theory of mind in academia the ability to get into somebody's head and figure out what they're doing is associated with as -- did in Nazi death magnetic and activists and and empathetic. Intuitive. Nurturing. Tactful. Trusting that these -- trusting that they I'm gullible. Emotionally expressive. In just -- of these are the ones. Who want to know who you -- they. Want to have an intimate conversation with you and authentic one even in the supermarket line and I understand that actually made it out. They and they want to get right to the core of what that magazine covers it really means and in and very agreeable accommodating flexible -- flexible idealistic and very egalitarian. Some of the downside indecisive they just and in ways to do it. And so you know they don't get to making any decision unfocused. Big stab in the back. Because they don't want. There's a chime in and so agreeable gonna wanna. Have any competition -- debater. You know express that's so that the behind your back. A woman named and quite forgiving. I think one of the biggest problems is there's so agreeable that they can look like a book that actually these people are really quite independent when the most independent. Of the of the of the groups but. I think Bill Clinton is a good example of the negotiator I mean I feel your pain -- nobody but an industry has been. An act. Broad minded you know I -- skills do I -- his biography holy smokes is 963 pages. He just up talking the whole world most active. Real people skills the most expensive and -- under in the Democratic Convention but the hope I'm Hillary was. Was done speaking he was crying as their history. Broad minded and the quote from his book it's important have a synthesizing mind and look at the baby face. You know any of marriages. Around things. I think -- Barry much of the negotiator intuitive verbal skills compassion and educator and reader. Estrogen is associated with -- all of the language skills. On the -- that -- the top word is passion. Hard. Sensitivity means means sweet. -- random. And and the thing. Well I've designed -- question. And what you do is you you take questions that don't work you put -- and until you get something that is scientifically. Accurate. And then. I started giving it to the people in chemistry -- come. And it. I took -- sent several samples and my final sample. So having established his questioner and one I was looking forward. I could then take a look to see who you. -- to question. Why him why her. I had to find out who you -- iron and a final mile but. I ain't. That the project was to finance. And so I watched first -- And I took a sample of -- 28001. And I twenty people I could've done it with. 500000. Opt out of -- of point and here we -- female explore learn. Goes from new explorer. And you like themselves. Mail explore. A third. Gender does not make a difference and not starting and we -- standing by -- You know build their. Post for the new -- and."

" Now that there. Goes for the female born. In this case birds of a feather flock together."

" Female director. Coast have been mail negotiator. I think this is Hillary. And bill. Male director. Most of the -- under I think classic American. Tough guy at the bank with a lovely little wife and the picket fence and you wonder. How did they get along. In game they're pulling their resources getting along fine. And the female negotiate. Goes for me. Now director. Male negotiators. As for the -- director. In this case opposites attract. And so. When people ask me you know do opposites attract. I say it depends who you are. If you're an explorer. Not as much. If you're builder not as much if you're director negotiator yes there's always going to be variations on this thing. But these -- the patterns that I found in nature. So I honestly think that love is like a fun. Timing is right."

" He got this. Love mapping your brain of what you are going to be looking form. And you can't go wrong and you funny she's an exit. Because it and it all done so right up the fact therein. Too short too tall too fat too often too big too green to the good looking out."

" So that you belong to talk to them. And they opened amount. And instantly. They have the wrong accent down."

" It's a voted for Sarah Palin there around."

" I'm sorry for anybody I've been -- and."

" And you almost immediately pick up on some of their values."

" And even their religious interest. And all the way through this first conversation in subsequent ones. There are breaking points. And if they don't fit within. You where it concept. Of an ideal partner. It or at least enough of those characteristics. That are out. And but all along the way. I think biological temperament. All of those traits. That I have been carrying on about. -- room. Drawing you -- subconsciously. To some people rather in another."

" And so can this last. Kind of left it."

" The last of the three studies that I did with my colleagues. Art Aron. Lucy Brown went beyond counts of -- Was among these people report that there's still in love after. An average of 21 years of marriage. All of the textbooks say what cannot last. And as it turns out we found activity in exactly the same brain region that becomes active when you've just fallen in love. We also found activity in brain region associated deep attachment. So is romantic love and attachment and what the only real difference that we found is that certain brain regions associated with. Early anxiety. And tension had declined. And instead been replaced by brain regions associated with com. And so you remain with the person. But."

" And you still want to share with them and talk with them and be within the whole of the Iranian. But if they don't email you two hours after you left immune you know -- in bed and cry."

" Because it's been replaced by con artist going to go to a couple of these combinations to see. There's even basic combinations -- historic and go out and -- builder negotiator director Tenet was basically -- I'm gonna go over the -- natural ones announced it things that don't anyone of them can work. As long as you sustain what I collier but what are called your positive illusions you know. As long as you continue anything she's young creating smart funny and I know what UC. You are very and you continue to stand up and as president anyway here are an explorer to format. They're gonna have fun. And are really. Sexual curious. Flexible. Your reverend. -- avoid plans and schedules both unconventional. They're going to have a lot of fun. Their problems I think you're gonna be recklessness. Perhaps addiction. I'm -- they're going to throw under the -- their problems until they keep mounting and not solve because it don't want to talk about it. Unpredictability. They're going to have a lot of fun but these are not going to have a fight -- you mop the floor. Anyway I kind of here's the thing. Their -- will be I think some some big problems. If they had me at all. To builders I think you're gonna have. A different. Problem. I think they've probably going to have a very solid managed not a fact I just started with his new book a website called why him why her dot com. And down. A -- so like 40000 people have have I have just hundreds you can take my test for free but what I'm really interested in. Is I put -- happiness tested because the five only studied people have just fallen in love. And some nice 54% of people on -- site we're married and married long -- so -- now study that data and see how these personality types. I worked out over the years. But. Their problems that are I think they're both mostly contained. Both going to likely to be a little. Both going to help with. But neighborhood parties and billion family I think bull that will likely to be loyal. -- they're both going to appreciate. Making plans following convention being. Following conditions. But their problem is going to be over high -- before. Because everybody's got their way in doing. And they can be. Close minded about other ways of doing. Things -- I would guess that these of the couples bicker. During the course of the airlines. But stated given. Long term. Directly and negotiated now we've got to different people we that it very narrow focus. And sees the big picture."

" The company and cooling. I think I have and that my poses as they have wonderful conversations. Adding a different kind of components to the issues. The direct can really help the indirect. The tender -- can really help but tough minded. As sympathetic and really help the unsympathetic. Analytical can fix the computer."

" They -- and they a reflective can fix the emotional problems in the marriage."

" In very very poor people skills. And very good. Verbal statement -- in England --"

" Very different people. Cool. Having bombed a mechanism. To pool their resources to raising young. As a matter of fact I think the nomination. Or nature has. She's. Thought of everything."

" We've been negotiator and director. She's just two -- now he's bounced. Pooling their resources to raise their babies. Very different person as an alternative plan. Is very traditional stole local. The typed. Going to -- and to raise their babies as to builders. And then of course my question was why would there be having bombed this concept of why would two explorer's. Why would that have evolved I mean. I mean they're gonna say now let's go Orton walked to bet in now and that is well."

" But we don't of the babies aren't there may be in town. How it's gonna let it let us let us. If adaptive you know I actually went to see patterns in nature you've got to figure out why this might be adapted. And I think what that may mean. Is. What these people are doing is having a series of pair -- provinces. With children by engineers say I've had people -- happens now you know I'm no good at love and had three husbands and never worked as well did you have any children. Only I had two children with the first one John with the second that are. And about from the Darwinian perspective. You've won you've created real genetic variety. In your babies and that's also an adaptive mechanisms all. I'll close with this."

" First of I'll just -- one of the neck well the I think the power. Of understanding who you want. Is. Understanding. How you can each other people and so I'll close with something that that reminds me of how people how people are different. It is from data on men and women. -- women. As a group tend to get in and receive from face to face talking we look skinny children. We do ethically anchoring duties and we talk. And that's into missing two women affect women will strike up a conversation right before sex. And -- and their crazy. Another outlet that trying to do is rich and intimacy. Men. Side by side doing."

" This is a Super Bowl playing. If Suzie looks opposite of the -- mile away. I think is also involved on the grasslands of Africa. I hit women's."

" Anything about loading your baby if anything is cajoling recommend educated words."

" I think that this mail and obscene amounts from noon to use a sitting in line behind that bush trying to get that affluent had with a rocky campaign. He added that complement the problem comes the cards."

" When you need some."

" So okay you need not some time for questions. And I'm sorry people in the over the -- in -- you can always email me at television television Beckham and there is some. Some might some walking -- and speaking into the Mike because this is being recorded."

" Talk a little bit just about how. Types change -- age and explorer could become. A builder. Over time."

" There's a lot of studies by psychologists about the stability of personality in general. And done they do one of the main ways they follow this. Is what they're called test retest and so they'll give attest to somebody and then six weeks later six years later even hopefully six decades there. And and see how the personality changes. And what they have found the man is -- around his most more unstable. In your teenage years. And early twenties can you hear your peers are affecting you know and you don't quite know who you Warren you're trying to a lot of styles. Apparently. Personality is once again less stable in your senior years. And the one hypothesis that I read was because by the and you learn to be accommodating. Apparently pressed on his most stable in middle age and particularly when you. Are with around people who in it that to be who you are. And in a work environment that enables you to be who you line we can all act out of character is just -- fact I had a woman come up -- ten minute speech sometime ago and she said you know. I think I was acting out of character for fifteen years with my husband and she's now divorced I think I believe it it just tired. We can -- we can do it but how long. -- a very empathetic person. Not help people on the battlefield. They keep doing. How can somebody who's very direct and -- the size of how long can they. How very new ones conversations and not say what they mean we're talking about biologically based -- so I don't think that they are respectable as. As culturally based treat."

" And they've been talking a lot about around. Biological components of personality character -- do you believe in love at first study it and do believe it's possible so subconsciously. Gas and know that another person might be right -- you'd just slightly exceeding them."

" Good next to predatory -- in the Second Amendment of love interest side I think is very easy to explain. There have been studies. On prairie vols and sheep and two other mammals and and it. And mail prayers of both like a little field mouse when he sees a theme now and expresses attraction. Governing goes up 50% in the nucleus accounts -- parts of the same brain system become active in other animals. When they feel attracted not an honest player broke -- anybody. Who scraping tool too young too stupid I think they won't do -- they have favorites and you read these theological literature. You know. Time after time -- an elephant and I wrote in one of my book about a -- not commented Astros. I should -- in on the -- found issues big. I called babble is what they look on and on boy she went straight form as if it was love affairs that and I think what's going on. Is it is -- system for attraction. Is being being triggered instantly. And I would guess it is much more common in other animals and humans. A squirrel in the beginning of greetings and -- and -- well. It's been three years talking about -- college and then get out the exit. And you can see an instant attraction and in one study of a hundred people. An American study. They found that ten out of the 100 reported love at first night and we look back at poetry from the Middle Ages from Japan from China. You won't it Egypt. You see poetry I think -- very. A wonderful -- defect. For studying them because it's so expressive of of these patterns. You see mentions of love at first sight so I think what's happening is the brain isn't becoming. On triggers the previous day in me somebody what can you with a both scared the -- system with. You know -- supply is or. Curiosity. And attainment think with insistent about convictions. And your other question was can you find. Could you find. What was it a piece of news at Tulsa constant whether somebody is the right person for you. I think we're walking billboards have whoo yeah. I think that if I. Walked in. Rule and has -- suddenly talking to a man and I said to him. Didn't on the wrong and said -- him lol what a ridiculous. And he says."

" I finally went to Apollo with my backpack and the poetry and back lot of and I just stopped in little winds along the way and tried everything they'd. You know. I'd be very different then if I ended met a man who said ISI. You know and to -- has that for the summer and help my brother -- does -- You know and I so want to build my family's place for the people and another with by the word to use. By the facial expressions. By the clothes you wear by the friends you keep a -- picture here. Everything about you is a billboard of of who you won some of these basic things yes and I do think that we naturally respond to them chemically. And this is what I found in my 20000 people I thought into how it's -- from the dignity thing. Biological type the -- The only way they could have talked of the and yeah. Did they move them over and over -- and I think it's because they're words."

" And what they look like. So yes I do think you can instant and I think that came out in nature I think what the -- very well built the size people up we all make mistakes questioning in his. Case I need -- of the Mike."

" We have a question opt for what are the folks over in right theater the other folks over there to write down questions and John. One person wants to know what you think the role of pheromones play in finding the perfect. Okay it's interesting."

" There's -- a friend of mine who's really the king of -- research. And I was humorous in that Christians -- to me I have not looked in to. A lot of the answer -- I looked Tompkins persons and writers Alan."

" I've personally seen you know -- a lot of first sites cannot call -- love for us now I mean I for an robbers. And for millions of years our ancestors lived in the trees and if you had a poor I think you fell out of the -- so a huge part of the brain is built for. Visual. Response."

" There's no question about it that we all have what you call in order print. And I've might -- design has always been that. This is somebody might not be what it initially attract you to somebody. But once you follow them. I think it is a perpetuating. Thing you know you hear about women -- wearing their. Boyfriends. T shirt and it. And in in myths and legends and stories around the world you hear about men who pick up the negative of a woman. And you know just hold it to them in prince -- continuing so it took certainly plays a role. And I don't think we're -- to the bottom of of what that while Clinton's."

" Do you think that taking prozac. May differ actually affect the romantic attraction of the different groups."

" I wrote an academic article on the cinemanow the question what what what to -- with the role of on. A prozac and -- are eight and the serotonin -- antidepressants and I'm finding and keeping up. And the article was. I have maintained for a long time okay this is well."

" Eden medical textbooks say so right off the bat we know. And as you elevate activity in the serotonin system you are re do seen activity in the -- system. Opening is associated with romantic love. It's also associated with the obsessive thinking. I mean. So. You are jeopardizing. The brain system for romantic love. When you take these drugs. Now there's some people. Cool need to take these to their biological and -- they need to take the drugs and -- to get up in the morning and get out and find them at all we're not talking about them. What I am talking about are people who were doing poorly in school and they're bigger and given these drugs and and then they do better in school and then they stay on the drugs because it makes them less shy or outgoing etc. And they wonder why five years later they haven't found a partner. These drugs blunt your emotions this is why you take them and I have -- letters from people all over the world. One letter was from a guy not too long ago he said -- officially -- I was madly in love with a girl. And I was doing poorly in school and they put me on this drug and not only did I lose my sex -- Everybody knows that 70% of people who take these drugs is -- But I also was no longer was in love with him -- about -- with -- and nine months later I ain't got off medication. And neither did my sex drive come back but intense. Feelings of romantic love this woman. And so I went over to I think was from Holland and I I went over to a store and bought all the roses. I can carry in my hands. And went over to our house and said don't I think was the drugs would you take me back. And she did. And since then I had a piece in New York review of books a few months ago it -- which except that I have written an academic articles sort. Opinion -- War science. Lancet and nature and I have three rejection letters saying this is not important. To a general audience. There hundred million prescriptions. Written for antidepressants. Every single year. In the United States and these drugs are going generic around the world not saying people shouldn't take them but the brain. Who works together and when you -- one system you are going to Walter others. And I think that people should at least be warned. That they might not continue to feel -- or attachment. When they take these drugs."

" I'm finding is a big part of of the dating scene and so I was curious what so. How each of these groups would go about finding."

" Wonderful. I've got a whole chapter in my book on this. He -- and them. I think they look very different things and I think they find them differently and I think they make different kinds of mistakes. I think that the explorer. Is looking for somebody to -- adventure with him the very sensual and act on to the kinds of foods. Other elected to things very spontaneous -- they like to do all kinds of things that could have three things in the same night they want somebody to come with them they want they get I think -- in the united adventure -- from -- doing things together. I think one of the problems with the explore is -- the things too fast. Because the charismatic. And certainly some -- to marry me need to but -- I thought it was this summer -- you know they say they can get into things depend also sleep at their sneakers on. They wanted the window always open. To get out and now. You know. And they they've got that they matter when they find the right thing they got to settle into it and focus on they can also be to spontaneously generous. They can walk into the bar and buy everybody a drink and then of course everything's direction and you got more problems -- But. It and so if you're going to go out with a and explore. I would say it's a quote from a woman said to icann member name but it adult this is a misdemeanor -- you don't want to be dull around and explore. I think the bill -- Is looking for any help mate. They're much more cautious when they date. These are the ones that have belonged. Engagement. They want everybody in the family to like this girl or boy. They're too modest they don't brag enough. They can be stuck in their rules and schedules. And -- doesn't always work on Rosen and come -- they can not spend a lot enough alone time with somebody they will introduce the person instantly to all their friends. And and not everybody wants to meet all your friends and one just has to be video. The director I don't think really enjoys beating. The direct their focus their analytical and want to get out of his project get organized in Cuba and get back into the office you know. They bring their Blackberry with them on a -- not good that's that's -- then expanded to get to the point. And of course the negotiators says I am getting to the point and so they've got to relax they got to go out. They got to let the conversation flown. They're very decisive and in the halfway through the -- they decided you're not the right went from the -- walk out I don't know if anybody saw that Tony -- any special. But -- I -- with -- when he cameras ABC why many cameras in the room his director woman walks out on -- date. I thought my god that's a director that's Fisher. And so. Particularly very romantic once a director findings. What they think is quality. And worked with them boys days home run and they are focused on this this is that this is a project like their of the project they can be very romantic. I think that the negotiator. Is looking for something but -- I think the directors of -- for what a data -- he was sick call mind made and we had a playmate going to help Maine we've had a mind Maine. And I think the negotiators to inform us only. I think they're looking for something that the other three -- don't really quite understand. They're looking for unconditional love for all eternity. And they want to get to know who you line."

" How you feel. What you want. These are the ones that stand at the edge of the party and have a deep conversation with some need to see these are the ones that don't date for a while. Because they they're tired of reaching really into somebody and then and then having it not work out. V I think one of the among the problems of the negotiator. Is done -- so agreeable. And flexible that they can appear like a dormant. In a stand up for themselves. They can also there's so new ones they. You know sometimes as as Freud said a cigar is just a cigar not to negotiate and enough and instead. Yeah everything means something there's there's symbolism to the way -- additions. Everything you know and so they -- they've and they can also very good thinking long terms on the on the first written down I don't think he's going to be good when I'm you know. You know in the middle of the night with a baby you know they got to stick with the program right now. And not over think it they can't over think it could also be too trusting it can be too gullible so I think that down. But when you understand what isn't to the scene. To the fourth time. I think with myself. With a and."

" And for the first one of the first and -- might ask them as what they do. Not with the builder I might as who they know. In the networking. With the director. I -- a lot of them in my left with a lot of basic scientists are directors asked about their workplace elevate forever you know they just zone in on Acton. And with I think with the negotiating asking how they feel. And the more you know about."

" These people you can reach into the -- on their level might not be you're into missing. And that's hard to train yourself to realize this could hear him. Sentenced in May but it in -- hit him so it enables you to give. In ways."

" That I think -- powerful."

" I. I signing ten Atlantic and Tina if these. These like passage ways are our inheritance to -- now. It's six dollars or doesn't have an expert child."

" Yeah I have no idea you know when it meets sperm you can have all over eight million. -- of combinations. And so. I've been thinking about that a lot reason I haven't read any data about his return a huge constellations of personality and I only know that there are some genes that are inherited for Huntington's. Disease and you know I mean there are specific genes for a specific disease patterns and there's every reason to think that some of these things are inherited but. I don't know I mean I yeah I just don't know. -- Once we begin that is called it a genome a wide associations and but we're gonna end up doing is seen. Whole patterns of gene's. Working together. Profiles. To create these personality styles. And then as we see more of that we will begin understands and -- serenity."

" Asking myself I kind of tend to put myself in on most everything in a lot of clinics. And some of this month. And an intimidated. And somebody remind me I. Did it in on them and her -- The highest single. Detail and and I mean how does it -- keep sometimes -- Like this lesson and then you know 98 boredom in this -- it yeah -- it's like okay so isn't getting the."

" I would've done a much longer questionnaire if I weren't doing it for dating site. And I think had I been able to ask do much longer questionnaire."

" I would have been able to sort you out better."

" So that you would become more."

" A certain tax."

" However there are well balanced people we are talking about biological systems and it's entirely possible that says simply being very well balanced. I am not well I am largely in explore and negotiate I've been very little builder and me and even less."

" Director and I. But not look down find my feet I mean. So."

" I think that people -- some people are dramatically. -- director type. Dramatically before and others are simply more well balanced people and you may find as you get older. And you get yourself involved in certain social situations. This certain parts of your personality become. More dominant."

" I've offended was my age who who grew up in the midwest. With -- parents."

" And he he said is you know his his parents said to him marry the girl next door get a good job in town stick with the company were queuing up. Keep your head down isn't what she did. Until it was about 45. And then he walked out on the whole thing. Because he was basically -- explore. Who was trying to fit himself and and I think that this is the the I'm Reggie -- representing is the powerful role of culture. On sculpting personality effective as an awful lot of people who are threatened to -- biological explanations. And my feeling is that the more we know about biology. The more we're -- understand the powerful rules that culture plays on that buyout in quest for doing that now with -- genetics that the whole study of how."

" Environmental forces can turn genes on and off so. I you may well be a very well -- person."

" Are you may well have not quite found and this social environment that enables you to be bulimia."

" I've been. And the typing system called king warrior magician lover and and what I warrior magician louder and at this that's based on psychology some wondering I get that this is based on biology right how to how does that. How does this system compare with the system that's in college -- exclusive -- network."

" I hope to go together. But and I've heard about that system but I never is that what is what's a good book that I should read and then."

" The 11 that I studied is called social magnetism it's based on the work of by doctor apology grand scheme okay doctor Paul dot net. And I but -- I think before that call young came out these are these temperaments it's on the types."

" What's interesting -- that we'll go to -- on. And Myers Briggs on -- and down you know hippocrates said. You know before humors. 2500 years ago play don't really mentioned most of these types he called types. Aristotle. Soft for various. Types Galen in the second century. Found four types. Paris Celsius in the fifteen hundreds. It was a doctor in Vienna. Talked about four times. Kyle young had three of the Fort Myers Briggs actually found all four David cares he has found four and American Indians. Have four with the cardinal directions the bear the Eagles a mouse in the whatever and we end by the any Graham has nine but when I study the any grand. Two of the nine. When you look at the characteristics are associated with the explore. Two of the nine the director to the nine with a daughter and three of the nine with the negotiators took over and over it seems people from different traditions have found. Psychological. Constellations. And I think really would have done is simply added the biology two things that we've known for thousands of years. And then I think what's really new is looking at how these people drawn to each other but. Every time I use something about this I think. I'm not surprised. In them."

" You mentioned that some of the personality types have less self awareness and others and how do you. How do you get around that with the regards to a -- scoring -- How can somebody use the lack self awareness accurately so why --"

" There's no a lot of mom and studies of how people take desk. And dumb. Among those studies is an important studies were very impressive to me and what they've just -- you can answer question. In answer question with what you really think YRRRR. -- we ask question answer question with who you are. You're gonna answer a question of we want others to think you're. And you can ask and answer a question with the way you want to. And when they do a lot of these technical studies of how people answer questions they find that most of the time most people actually do end up. Effectively. Answering questions with who they actually are. And it. And -- in. Also I'm doing with enormous. Samples. But there's always people who came attests. It down and sort of -- name. They -- inside and do they are is what they do. Yeah. Question okay."

" Earlier you touched on -- So who's on prozac whatever how that -- how that affects them their film along. Note the crawler someone who. Is not a on these from some clock back and should be. How does that affects the feeling -- for traction."

" How I think it'd always affects whatever your brain and you know however your brain systems there are responding it you know it's kind of."

" Make a difference in who you love."

" I suppose if you're a person who should be on prozac and is terribly depressed and can't get out of bed and as soon even affect your love life. -- so I think fit them."

" You know. It was Dewey who said mind as a -- You know of the mind is doing something and you do is creating these. We want. To some extent and when you -- that. It changes who you line when you don't own current. It changes we learn. And it is so I I if I remember in the second half of my question about people who take tests."

" They've also found that if you really want -- games somebody's personality. They've tried all kinds of ways of subtly asking questions. In a backhanded way. Or walls instead of just asking the question are you more traditional than most people. And they also find that promote bald bold direct. Obvious way US the question the more likely you want to get an answer that is actually representative. And so I'm just simply closed by saying you know we aren't getting along -- understanding some of the science. Behind romantic love. But. Festival it'll never spoiler for me. You know you can know every ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake and you still didn't -- that chicken and and feel the -- And there will always been magic to -- thank you."